i don't like sucking hair
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
