So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
