What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
