It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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