I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
True strength comes from lack of pants
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
