SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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