remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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