The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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