I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
