Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
