i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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