Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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