..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
