Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
