I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
