So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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