it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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