Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
