I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
