I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
