Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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