last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
