she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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