Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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