maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
