Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
