my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
