I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
