True but thats because hes a fetus.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
