you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
