Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
