I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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