Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
