there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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