Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
That's intense
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
