I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
