apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
