On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
