I just threw up on my dentist
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
This baby is an asshole
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
