is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
