take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
