Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
