your thong is hanging out like whoa
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I had to cum in my sink.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
