Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
