my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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