He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
