Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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