I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
