Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
