U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
