Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
